I am currently knee-deep in research for my final MA project. The last 10 months of my life, in all the moments of blood, sweat and tears have all been embraced to reach and better this very moment. However, today the sun is shining, it’s finally warm enough to feel like summer and the last thing I feel like doing is research. So for the next hour I’m going to write this post, embrace the easy chatty writing that this blog allows and completely forget about academic jargon for just a bit!
Yesterday, while ‘researching’ I watched Yvonne Orji’s Tedx talk – absolutely brilliant – but had nothing to do with my MA topic (this happens when you trust the youtube ‘suggestion’ panel or let the up next rollover too many times). However, the title grabbed my attention and before I knew it, I watched the whole thing.
Currently at the halfway mark of 2017, the 15th of June and the benchmark I use to track how long I have been single for… yup, we’re talking relationships today, bare with me as this ‘heart stuff’ is important and deserves to be discussed! So, today I’m approaching 3 and a half years of being single, the kind of single that feels like you’re stuck in a desert every time someone sends you a “there’s so many fish in the sea” quote. Feel free to laugh, I’ve learnt that at the end of the day that is all you can do!
I’m sure you can understand that at this point, I have become rather acquainted with the I’m-going-to-die-alone meltdowns… I’m not the only one, right? The thoughts that tell me “I’m too much” or “not enough” or “too fussy” are usually the trigger points for these meltdowns and with every second I entertain them, the insecurity-doubt-monster peeks its head and pushes out all the truth and love I am (usually) rooted in.
This kind of truth and love is exactly what Yvonne Orji is showing in this talk, and flip does she make it look sexy! I am sure at times she has had these very meltdowns I speak of, after all, she is human too. However, she is fighting the insecurity-doubt-monster with wit, humour and absolute confidence, something that has inspired me to achieve in my own waiting. And regardless on your ‘waiting for marriage’ stance, I strongly feel we can all be inspired by what Yvonne says since we are all in relationship with people, whether it is our friends, lovers or pugs, her words of wisdom can be applied to all.
Summarised: wait for a quality relationship.
Here are my notes on what Yvonne said..
The wait is powerful, it is discipline and it is focus.
The 5 things to wait on:
1. The person who sees you for you… and loves you regardless.
2. The one who sees value in what you value.
“see I don’t get mad if you don’t like me for me, you’re just not the one for me…”
3. Wait on purpose and not in fear.
“Fear is ‘false evidence appearing real… I believe in faith, faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. One deals in the negative and one deals in the positive. I choose to look for the positive.”
4. The one who makes, a priority
“I don’t have to beg anyone to like me, because I like me.”
5. The one who meets your standards.
“The thing about standards is that they are yours, to set as high or as low.”
And lastly, the words that stood out to me the most, ones that she repeatedly drops in: “that’s not the will of Jesus for my life” which supports the thing I am certain of, we are all called to a specific purpose, a good and perfect one that sometimes doesn’t look the way we think it should, but is unique to you and your strengths.
Yvonne closes with,
“The wait does not disappoint.
Hope against all hope.
Fight the good fight.”
…And watch her talk, because my notes won’t justify her bad-ass and incredibly hilarious way of addressing this conversation!
and and… if you’re interested in this topic, here is another article I would highly recommend reading; Love, Sex, and Dating as a Neo-Virgin