Day 5 and we are going big. Today I am going through my personal archives and pulling out a post I wrote in May 2014. Reading it again made me realize how much the topic of ‘brokenness’ will always matter and although personally I am many miles away from the place I was in when I wrote this, it’s still beautiful and deserves to be shared.
“I’m frightened and nervous as I begin to type myself into a high-risk-zone. Here are my thoughts on brokenness, but more specifically, a broken heart…
I was chatting to a special friend of mine who is currently holding her broken self together. She asked me a question that I too was asking a little while ago. Amidst this conversation something sparked inside me that gave me the urge to string a bunch of heavy words together on my blog, not only for this special friend’s sake, but for all the other hearts that are wandering through life feeling hopeless about their brokenness.
Friend: “Does it get better?”
Me: “I don’t know how to answer that question. Because as much as I want to say yes, I don’t think it actually gets better. I think what happens is that it changes. The pain you are feeling right now will fade. Maybe it never actually goes away, I feel like it’s just something you become comfortable with, and despite this feeling, life will slowly flourish in to a new normal, one that’s beautiful and captivates your heart in a new way.”
Friend: “You make everything sound so beautiful. Even heartache.”
Me: “That’s because it is beautiful. A broken heart means that you were brave enough to love in the first place.”
Never fear your brokenness. Explore it. Embrace it. Learn from it. Let it mould you in to something better. Something you might never have become without it. Be confident in the fact that you’re not losing yourself, but instead you’re about to encompass the self you were always meant to be. Because why? Because I’m a firm believer in the notion that “everything happens for a reason”.
And then one day, not tomorrow, probably not in 3 months time, but down the line, you’ll sit back and appreciate the broken. You’ll reflect upon yourself and see how being broken has pushed you not backwards, but forwards. Forwards in to the space you’ve chosen for yourself. Forward in to the world you’ve shaped for nobody else but yourself.
I’m not saying “brokenness” is a good thing. Unquestionably it hurts. It will make you cry. It’ll get your blood boiling. The chances of you losing your appetite are pretty high as well. You might even feel emotions you didn’t know you had. So how could I even begin to argue the fact that having a broken heart is good? I can’t. And I’m not. I’m simply illustrating it’s beauty.
You will survive your brokenness. Everybody does.
However, my challenge to your heart is to not just survive, but survive it well. Exceed expectation.
Welcome Anger in for inspiration and motivation, but don’t entertain her for longer than necessary, she’ll harden your heart. Let Sadness wash over you, let her cleanse your soul, just be sure not to let her drown you. Guard yourself against bitterness and hate, no good will come from them.
Don’t let your brokenness undermine the beauty of what was, the priceless memories that should be held dearly, because some hearts will spend their entire lives to find love that is true. Let this darkness remind you where the light is. The darker the sky, the brighter the stars – make the choice to fly above the clouds, and I can guarantee you’ll catch a glimpse of that shooting star.
Be light in your heavy.
Time travels far too fast not to be frolicsome.
Find the rebel within you.
Always vote for change.
Wander and explore.
Forever be joyful.
Care without expectation.
Let your broken be beautiful.
And most of all, let love guide you.” -May.2014.
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
My 2016-self is grateful to my 2014-self for having these thoughts about brokenness, and for having the courage to not only share them but live by them. I hope if you needed to read this that you feel encouraged and fly far above any cloud you think might be in your way.. Ash xxx